No one said it was going to be easy

LIFE that is. No one said it was going to be easy but seriously! Does it have to be this hard? The most recent update is that we are going to meet with a vetinary oncologist to determine our next steps. We sent Ruby's xrays to be interpreted by a specialist who may be able to shed some light on whether or not the cancer has spread to her lungs and is visible in the xrays. However, they say that many times the cancer can not be seen and it has actually already spread to the lungs. We are headed down a very difficult road either way, whether we do treatments or are not able to. It is so emotionally taxing (not to mention financially!).

Today I finally had enough energy to go for a run. I think because I talked with the vet and made the appointment with the oncologist I felt like I was being pro-active with everything and for the first time in a couple of weeks I felt like I had control again. I did almost four miles today, ran with Emma my yellow lab (that girl just might be my ticket to Boston! She is quite the pacer). Once I came home I took Ruby for a recovery walk, good for her and for me! My mind is racing with about a million things - no surprise there. I am planning on qualifying for Boston and yet I still have been considering doing the Night of Champions show in the fall (bikini though, not figure), and also want to do an Ironman. So I am just trying to get my ducks in a row and keep on working towards at least one goal. The biggest thing I need to focus on is keeping my head above water, I have found myself in slumps that resemble depression through all of this and that my friend is a slippery slope.

It's just not fair, I don't understand...


We got the final biopsy results from Ruby's bone biopsy... worst news possible - Osteosarcoma. Osteo-what?!?! I was fearful that is what they were going to say, but I was truly hoping they might have been wrong the first time. Here is where the difficult journey begins... realistically the treatments that the vet would recommend may only prolong life for a year or so. The treatments are very aggressive, amputate the leg and start chemo therapy. This is a very expensive treatment protocol, we have rough figures that it will cost in the neighborhood of $10,000. I am willing to spend this kind of money if it means she will have many years left with us but I am unsure I want to put her through that kind of stress for only a few extra months. We will be proceeding with a meeting with the vet oncologist to discuss all of the questions that we currently have. Truly, I am as scared as I have ever been in my life. I don't want to let Ruby down and make the wrong decision, she is worth every penny and ounce of energy that we have if it means her quality of life is extended. This news is completely devastating to TJ and I. I am almost embarrassed to admit it, but I think I am in a complete state of depression. She is part of our family and has been there with me through every step of the way.

Pins and Needles


This post is a little bit of a stray from my usual topics... but I figured having a good outlet would help me get my "mind right". Last Thursday we took our dog Ruby (picture above) to the vet, our precious 7 year old black lab Ruby. She has had a bump on her leg for several months and it appeared to be growing so we thought we would get it checked out. I think the reason we didn't get it checked out in the beginning was because we were afraid to know what it was. The vet did some xrays and they didn't look good, he said the words 'bone cancer'. More specifically, he said 'osteosarcoma'. These aren't the words you ever want to hear from your vet, especially because they are followed by "three months to live". Osteosarcoma is a very aggressive form of bone cancer, highly metastic and the outcomes are not good (less than 10% of dogs will survive beyond 12 months even with aggressive treatment). We opted to have a surgery the following day to get bone samples via a bone biopsy and have them sent down to the WSU vet school in Pullman to be analyzed. We are hoping the diagnosis based only on the xrays is incorrect. There is hope that it is something else, something less terminal and something that gives us hope. Long story short... I laid in bed all day Friday, cried my weight in tears and felt like my world was all of the sudden completely upside down. Ruby is recovering pretty well from the surgery itself but now we are playing the waiting game to find out the results. I really feel like I am sitting on pins and needles waiting... my heart is racing a million beats per minute and I have tremendous anxiety. I have been doing nothing but worrying for days on end... we might find out as early as today the results - our prayers are hoping for a miracle...

Back in the saddle... yeee ha!

I spent some time in the weight room tonight - first time since I been back in Spokane and since before my vacation (we did "lift" one time during vacation but I'm not counting that). I did a cardio split with some HIIT and lifted pretty heavy chest/tri's. Yowza! The muscles are freakin' out wondering what da heck jus happened to 'em! I know for sure that I will be sore, I can tell already. It's amazing how you can loose so much strength (and confidence) in just a couple of weeks. I was fumbling all over the weight room, resembling a baby horse trying to walk for the first time (not quite as nice of a physique though). Eeekk! How embarrasing... it's almost like I need to lift in hiding for a couple of weeks before I present myself to the public again! One nice thing is that all the guys who lift when I usually lift were excited to see me back - they were wondering where I had been and were wondering if I was going to "compete again"... made me feel good - I can grunt and throw the weight around like the best of the big balla's in there (well... when I am back up to "snuff" I can).

I'm BaaaaaAAaaack!





Greetings and Aloha! I am both glad and sad to say that I am back in Washington (missing paradise already but glad to be back in a routine and with my doggo's). We had an amazing time below are a few pictures the first couple are from our room and yes, this picture was taken with NO zoom. I coulda thrown a baseball out our window and had in land in the ocean it was that close - amazing! Below are a few other pictures...


A beautiful sunset from the resort....


The lil green shack tauts the "worlds best banana bread"... it took some real "Indiana Jones driving to get there - scariest thing I have ever drivin on (don't have pictures of that part of the road I was too busy having a heart attack). The concierge said "DO NOT go past this point" on the map - it is VERY dangerous... but I guess I will do anything for some good banana bread. I will confirm that it was the best bread of any kind I have ever had - when we got it, it was still hot from the oven... yummer!


A great little snorkeling spot... complete with giant sea turtles ('Honu' in hawaiian)
We had an amazing time on the trip, lots of great food too! :) Wish I had taken a picture of the breakfast buffet, the farmers markets and a great place to get local gelato (selling many different tropical fruit flavors including a "lilikoi goat cheese" flavor... lilikoi is passion fruit in hawaiian - delish!). The resort we stayed at had a great workout facility that was right on the beach and accessible from a beach trail that extended about a mile and a half from our resort... so we did do a lil exercisin'!
Now that I am back I am ready to get back into a workout routine. I have noticed that the lack of a routine has left me drained for energy and feeling pretty lethargic. The macadamia nuts, mai tai's, gelato, kalua pork, lomi lomi salmon, etc. has also left me feelin kinda pudgy :( luckily it didn't get to the point where my swimsuits looked like saran wrap on my body (close but not quite to that point yet). Now the task begins... what other than the Portland Marathon will I pile on my plate this year? Whether it be just the marathon or more, I am really looking forward to getting back to my morning routine - hoping that it brings my old "rockin roll", "can do" attitude and energy with it! So... this week I will be dragging my zombieness outta bed at the butt crack of dawn (thankfully with sunlight this time of the year) and into the torture chamber we all refer to as the "gym". Really I mean that in a loving way... don't pay any attention to the claw marks and clinched jaw.

Followers

About Me

My photo
I have been athletic ALL of my life, I think at this point it would be safe to say its in my DNA. I have played many competitive sports (volleyball, basketball, track), have played recreationally (soccer, softball) and have been working out since I was in 4th grade. I started lifting in 7th grade - yes, was even starting to learn the full on olympic lifts. I now enjoy running, hiking, skiing, hangin out at the lake and just being active. I have run a couple of marathons, and recently competed in my first figure show. I am not sure what the future holds for me with regards to my "exercise adventures" but I look forward to finding out...