LIFE that is. No one said it was going to be easy but seriously! Does it have to be this hard? The most recent update is that we are going to meet with a vetinary oncologist to determine our next steps. We sent Ruby's xrays to be interpreted by a specialist who may be able to shed some light on whether or not the cancer has spread to her lungs and is visible in the xrays. However, they say that many times the cancer can not be seen and it has actually already spread to the lungs. We are headed down a very difficult road either way, whether we do treatments or are not able to. It is so emotionally taxing (not to mention financially!).

Today I finally had enough energy to go for a run. I think because I talked with the vet and made the appointment with the oncologist I felt like I was being pro-active with everything and for the first time in a couple of weeks I felt like I had control again. I did almost four miles today, ran with Emma my yellow lab (that girl just might be my ticket to Boston! She is quite the pacer). Once I came home I took Ruby for a recovery walk, good for her and for me! My mind is racing with about a million things - no surprise there. I am planning on qualifying for Boston and yet I still have been considering doing the Night of Champions show in the fall (bikini though, not figure), and also want to do an Ironman. So I am just trying to get my ducks in a row and keep on working towards at least one goal. The biggest thing I need to focus on is keeping my head above water, I have found myself in slumps that resemble depression through all of this and that my friend is a slippery slope.

We got the final biopsy results from Ruby's bone biopsy... worst news possible - Osteosarcoma. Osteo-what?!?! I was fearful that is what they were going to say, but I was truly hoping they might have been wrong the first time. Here is where the difficult journey begins... realistically the treatments that the vet would recommend may only prolong life for a year or so. The treatments are very aggressive, amputate the leg and start chemo therapy. This is a very expensive treatment protocol, we have rough figures that it will cost in the neighborhood of $10,000. I am willing to spend this kind of money if it means she will have many years left with us but I am unsure I want to put her through that kind of stress for only a few extra months. We will be proceeding with a meeting with the vet oncologist to discuss all of the questions that we currently have. Truly, I am as scared as I have ever been in my life. I don't want to let Ruby down and make the wrong decision, she is worth every penny and ounce of energy that we have if it means her quality of life is extended. This news is completely devastating to TJ and I. I am almost embarrassed to admit it, but I think I am in a complete state of depression. She is part of our family and has been there with me through every step of the way.

This post is a little bit of a stray from my usual topics... but I figured having a good outlet would help me get my "mind right". Last Thursday we took our dog Ruby (picture above) to the vet, our precious 7 year old black lab Ruby. She has had a bump on her leg for several months and it appeared to be growing so we thought we would get it checked out. I think the reason we didn't get it checked out in the beginning was because we were afraid to know what it was. The vet did some xrays and they didn't look good, he said the words 'bone cancer'. More specifically, he said 'osteosarcoma'. These aren't the words you ever want to hear from your vet, especially because they are followed by "three months to live". Osteosarcoma is a very aggressive form of bone cancer, highly metastic and the outcomes are not good (less than 10% of dogs will survive beyond 12 months even with aggressive treatment). We opted to have a surgery the following day to get bone samples via a bone biopsy and have them sent down to the WSU vet school in Pullman to be analyzed. We are hoping the diagnosis based only on the xrays is incorrect. There is hope that it is something else, something less terminal and something that gives us hope. Long story short... I laid in bed all day Friday, cried my weight in tears and felt like my world was all of the sudden completely upside down. Ruby is recovering pretty well from the surgery itself but now we are playing the waiting game to find out the results. I really feel like I am sitting on pins and needles waiting... my heart is racing a million beats per minute and I have tremendous anxiety. I have been doing nothing but worrying for days on end... we might find out as early as today the results - our prayers are hoping for a miracle...

I spent some time in the weight room tonight - first time since I been back in Spokane and since before my vacation (we did "lift" one time during vacation but I'm not counting that). I did a cardio split with some HIIT and lifted pretty heavy chest/tri's. Yowza! The muscles are freakin' out wondering what da heck jus happened to 'em! I know for sure that I will be sore, I can tell already. It's amazing how you can loose so much strength (and confidence) in just a couple of weeks. I was fumbling all over the weight room, resembling a baby horse trying to walk for the first time (not quite as nice of a physique though). Eeekk! How embarrasing... it's almost like I need to lift in hiding for a couple of weeks before I present myself to the public again! One nice thing is that all the guys who lift when I usually lift were excited to see me back - they were wondering where I had been and were wondering if I was going to "compete again"... made me feel good - I can grunt and throw the weight around like the best of the big balla's in there (well... when I am back up to "snuff" I can).

It is time for me to bust out my foam roller like a mad man. My hips have been tight along with my IT bands. Some describe the experience of rolling out an IT band as "hurts so good" (and yet I ask again... when does the "good" part come). I hate using the foam roller - mostly because I am too lazy I guess and because it sucks! I squeal like a baby pig every time I use it, small tears of blood may have actually slowly rolled down my face a time or two because of the sadistic foam roller. Today I am backing off my mileage to be sure I can loosen my hips up. I was going to do a 10 miler but decided to back down the mileage. The other reason I am backing off is because I am headed out on a jet plane for vacay... Maui! We are pumped and I've got to finish packing my 30 bikinis! Getting out of Spokane while it is rainy and windy will put a smile on my face! One of the activities we have planned is a snorkeling trip at a sunken in crater off the island of Maui, called Molokini. This crater was a volcano that erupted and then caved in on itself, only the brim is peaking out of the water... see the amazing picture below

Today I completed my long run for the week. 9 miles in a pair of new running shoes (complements of by hubby, pictured to the left). These have been my 'go-to' shoes forever, the Asics Gel Nimbus. They just came out with a new model, which they do every year or so... the Gel Nimbus 12. I have owned every Gel Nimbus since number 6... I have strayed a few times and tried other shoes but I keep coming back. I don't even know why I every try and leave, they always treat me right (kinda like a great boyfriend who you fail to appreciate for some reason). Anyway, these shoes carried me swiftly along the trail today. I wish I could say that the weather was as supportive... about 1.5 miles in I got pelted by hail. It rained and hailed for about 2 miles or so. I just kept on keepin on... completed my run in 116 minutes, about a 8:30 min/mile average. I will take it! Especially because this week left me drained (physically, mentally and nutritionally). For some reason, my nutrition has been all over the place - not necessarily too much food but not the right kinds of calories. Take for example the fact that my afternoon was filled with a giant brownie and 3 cups of coffee yesterday. This doesn't exactly leave ones body overloaded with nutrition. I came home and went on a short run, which I didn't even have enough energy for. I felt bogged down, and sick to my stomach. Kinda like a car puttering as it runs outta gas... that was me - stop and start and stop and start... no one can qualify for Boston lookin like a backfiring car!