If you have looked at my blog posts over the past years (which have become much more sparse - lol) you would know that nearly two years ago I suffered a major bicycle accident.  Aside from the physical injuries, which were significant, I had MAJOR psychological issues after the accident.  Although the psychological ramifications didn't really surface fully until about a year after the accident, I assume this was because the first year I was preoccupied with healing physically.  I had reoccurring fears and thoughts of the accident happening again or turning out differently (meaning, leaving me off worse than I was or currently am).  These thoughts started to invade my life, all hours of the day - and I mean ALL hours.  I was losing sleep, up all night with irrational anxiety and fear.  I finally sought help.  My doctor diagnosed me with PTSD.  Yep, shocker.  I thought to myself that how could I have PTSD?  I mean, that's so serious.  That's something I think is more deserving for people who have been through much more serious situations than I.  I think of war zones and all of the amazing people who serve our country so we can have the freedoms we have  (if you are reading this and have or currently are serving our country... THANK YOU by the way).  I underwent counseling and was treated with anti-anxiety meds.  Long story short, I am beyond that now.  I am off meds and although I still have fearful thoughts at times I also have hopeful thoughts and I am able to move beyond any anxiety that surfaces.  All of this is to say that where I am today is much different than where I was 6-12 months ago.

Through this journey I still haven't really conquered the fear of riding my bike.  Yes, I took it out for a ride on a local paved trail about a year ago but I haven't taken it for a ride on the road and especially haven't taken any rides downhill.  I have verbalized how I wanted to conquer the fear and I wanted to take my bike out but never had.  I now realize, I just wasn't ready and by giving myself the ok to not do it was where I needed to be.  Well, today marked the day I was ready.  I had been thinking about it for weeks now, visualizing me riding and building up my confidence.  I don't want to ride my bike alone and honestly I just can't (yet).  So, I really wanted to do this with someone who I feel would be supportive of me.  Of course, my husband is a perfect fit for this need.  We rode our bikes to the gym today.  From our house to the gym.  One small detail I should share is that we live on top of a hill - there's no getting around it, we have to go downhill to get out of our neighborhood.  Of course, that also means we have to go uphill to get home.  These are fairly high grade hills, so this is serious stuff!  The hubs had gotten our bikes ready, tires pumped, etc.  My heart was racing as we left the house.  I warned my husband - I may need to stop and I HAVE to go slow downhill, I don't want to feel the feeling of my bike getting out of control again like the last feelings I remember before my wreck.  We took it easy down the hill.  There were a few times where I felt a little unstable.  There were moments my palms were sweaty.  There were moments I wanted to turn around and go back home,  Through all of that I decided that I really needed to push through - I could take breaks.  I could go as slow as I wanted but I needed to keep going.  After the first couple of hills out of the neighborhood I started to feel a little more confident.  The last hill I went much faster than I had been going and I heard my husband cheering behind me, "you're back!"  That made me feel good.

On the way back home, I wasn't scared for the same reasons.  I wasn't thinking about wrecking again on my bike.  I was actually more concerned with being able to make it back up the hills!  Some of these hills are quite steep and I am not in cycling shape (remember - I have only been working out again for about a week consistently!).  Well, I made it.  I'm not going to lie though it was tough.  My lungs were on fire, my quads were throbbing and I was sweating like I was in a sauna.  You probably could have pushed me over with a feather at some points I was riding so slow!  But I made it home and I feel accomplished.  It may seem small to some people but to me it was truly a milestone.  It's amazing to me that I have done so many things that require such dedication and determination... I mean, Ironman isn't for the faint of heart and yet today I was almost starting back over.  Physically and mentally, I felt like a beginner but that's ok.  I am ok with that feeling, in fact, in some ways I am truly embracing it.  Because I am on a journey for improvement and I am grateful I can be in the moment and enjoy these moments.  I am humble to how quickly things can change, good or bad.    

I have active friends who have never suffered an accident like the one I did.  Some of them are empathetic about how difficult of a mental journey, and sometimes still physical journey it has been for me.  Others are completely ignorant and naive and can't relate because for whatever reason they don't realize it could happen to them so easily.  In some ways these certain friends have portrayed themselves as self-centered.  To the friends who have been empathetic, supportive and authentic to me - THANK YOU.  You all should know who you are, if I have talked to you about the fears I have and how I have felt about all of this over the past two years... you are one of these great friends that I am saying thank you to.  You were part of this journey for me to get to where I was and am today.   

It has been a variety of emotions but today I am at a place where I continually try to be grateful for all I have and I am humble to the fears I still have from the experiences of my life.

I am not going to even start by explaining why so much time has passed between my last post and this one (yes, again... another long gap of time).  Nor am I going to tell you about all of the food photos I have taken during my hiatus with every intention to post and share (those will eventually make it onto my blog, eventually).  No.  I am not going to do either of those things.  I am just going to start by telling you about today and even a little of yesterday.

I have had a hankering for some green foods lately... perhaps the old bod is tired of refined carbohydrates and sugar.  Perhaps, for the first time in a long time I actually want to eat the things I should be eating (and should have been eating for while now).  Honestly, I don't really care what is causing this.  I running with it, running with my green theme!  So, what does "green theme" mean exactly?  Well, it means that I am incorporating LOTS of green foods into my diet.  If you think about it most all of the green foods I think about are all very good for you (aside from decomposing foods that are bacteria houses, aka moldy).  I have lots of green things in the kitchen right now, the fruits of my labor after a trip to the grocery store.  What's available for my culinary pleasure you ask?  Well, here are a few of the items;

• Zucchini
• Avocado
• Green Peppers
• Brussell sprouts
• Green onions
• Kale
• Spinach
• Snap Peas
• Cabbage
• Broccoli

They all sounded good so they made the trip from my cart to my kitchen! 

What else is new?  Well, workouts are new.  I worked out yesterday and today.  Felt great, a little sore tonight but it's an indication I worked hard :)  Here is what my "workout weekend" comprised of (don't mind the random reps/sets or names for the exercises on some of these);

SAT
-Stepmill intervals (20 mins)
-Plie bar squats (3 x12)
-Bench push ups (3 x 8)
-Narrow body weight squats while holding 5lb dumbbells in both hands above head (3 x 12)
-Hamstring ball roll ins (2 x 15)
-Bridge (2 x 30 seconds)

SUN
-Treadmill intervals (6 mins warm up, 24 mins HIIT (8 rounds))
-Side lunge/woodchop shoulder press (3 x 15 each side)
-Partial turkish get ups (3 x 8 each side)
-Walking lunge with bicep curl and shoulder press (3 x 12 each leg)
-Mountain climbers and cross climbers (2 x 24)
-V-knees ups (2 x 20)

Now... on to make sure my workout weekend doesn't leave me as only a weekend warrior but rather a weeklong warrior...

It's still all good in the hood with me... I just got done with a workout session (at home with my kettlebells, spin bike and elliptical) - but hey, a sweat session is a sweat session!  Had an early morning workout tues at the gym, EARLY bird.  I felt tired, didn't want to get outta bed.  It was rainy.  I was cozy.  However, I did it - and felt great afterwards (especially coming home from work and feeling like I had a free pass to veg out all evening :)).  A side note to all of this... my little girls only workout group is reassembling and growing!  I swear - someday I will do this for a living (again).  

I recently started playing basketball again.  Great workout and a lot of fun.  Playing sunday nights with a group of gals, fun to have the energy to do these things in my life still.  I LOVE feeling empowered again.  Feeling so empowered that I plan on completing my first triathlon since Ironman 2011.  That's significant.  I plan on sharing the journey back to training here, on this silly little blog that serves as my keyboard outlet.   

What else is exciting....?  The hubs and I are headed on vacay in May.  Hawaii, yes, AGAIN.  For the past five years we have done an annual Hawaii trip.  Generally at this time of the year I would be feeling overwhelmed, like I needed to be going balls to the wall to get ready for the beach.  This time I don't feel the same pressure.  I know I need to loose a few lbs but I'm just going at my pace.  Not putting too much pressure on myself and enjoying the journey.  It's a feeling I haven't felt in a long time, freedom, balance, and clarity. 

Lastly, what is with the "sweet potato pucks" in the title?  Well, something that has become somewhat of a new obsession for me.  Trader Joes frozen sweet potatoes.     

As promised I am still here... blogging (albiet somewhat periodically) but I am still here.  Update on the past week - AWESOME week.  I had many great workouts, a couple that left hurtin for a few days but that's all good.  Sign of accomplishment, work well done.  One workout in particular (Wed evening) I did with a friend of mine who loves the same type of workouts I do.  I brought the "pain" all the well knowing what we were getting ourselves into... and yet not an ounce of sanity set in as I crafted the torturous 1hour together.  Here's how the workout went down;

25 minutes HIIT Cardio

Strength Circuit (three rounds of each pairing of exercises, no rest... quick quick quick);

-Jump Lunges (30)
-Bench Step Ups with DBs (30)

repeat three times... next set;

-Negative Pullups (8... insert devil face here)
-Pushups on Med ball (12)

repeat... you guessed it three times... next set;

-Pikes on ExerBall (25)
-Back Ext on ExerBall (25)

Generally I would have done another set of exercises, but really this was plenty for a fat ass gal who is reclaiming her physique.

All in all - had a great week.  Four solid workout days and some progress to show for it in the waistline.  LOVE that :)

Lastly, I want to share a new healthy dessert recipe I concocted/tried this evening.  High protein, low sugar cheesecake.

Here are the basics;

3/4 cup lowfat cottage cheese
1 TBSP sugar free jello pudding (I used white choc flavor)
3 (or so) TBSPs unsweetened almond milk
1/3 scoop vanilla protein
sprinkle of stevia

Place all in heavenly blender - aka - Vitamix and blend till smooth.  Makes two servings, place in two small bowls to chill in fridge for 30mins.  Top with fresh strawberries.  Divine.  Lovely.  Delish.  YUM.  

Greetings loved ones!  Well I have much to update you on.  First, I have started running again.  Hellz bellz!  I ran three times last week.  Only 2 miles or so each time... but that's a great start considering I haven't been running regularly in a. very. long. time.  The runs have felt great, I actually have energy when I come home from work and have run twice after work in the evening.  My body hasn't been hurting or achy like it usually is after work.  While i have been running at a much slower pace than I normally would (think snail pace... firing on two cylinders), I have still been out in the open air with my hair flowing in the wind (well, actually I have been wearing a beanie but you get the idea here).

Secondly, I recently tried a new class called R.I.P.P.E.D.  It's the next fitness craze.  While I liked it, I'm just not sure the gargantuan class is for me (yes, there were a lot of people there).  The format was good but I think I'd like to stick with my own little strength training routines - which I have actually been doing again!!!!  I have made good use of my TRX, kettlebells, dumbbells, elliptical, spin bike, exerball and yoga mat that I have in my basement workout area.  I haven't been going balls to the wall on the weights, only 1-2 sets of 8-10 different exercises, but I have been just sore enough to know that I am making improvements.  My mid-back has been sore.  Gotta be careful there with the vertebrae issues I have, working on getting those babies nice and strong!  Whoot whoot!

As far as nutrition... well the amazing thing is that since I have been off my anxiety meds (not sure if I mentioned this before but there ya go) I have been so much better about my food intake, both type of food and amount.  I feel like ME again.  I will blog more about food later and some of my new fav recipes like Kale salad - yummer!  (see preview pic above - grilled chicken breast with szechwan seasoning, grilled peppers and kale salad)

well... its official.  remember that workout i had planned?  well, it came and went.  meaning - i did it... and then kinda regretted it!  holy moly!  i was sooooo sore.  my legs hurt so bad i spent three solid days hobbling around.  picture a woman who is 9 months pregnant walking on stilts.  no really... you know the "pregnant lean back" thats how i managed to get down stairs.  no, im not pregnant thats just the visual im giving.  it sucked.  but was humbling.
on other fronts, my nutrition has been good.  i feel much more in control.  one great thing is that my new co-workers and i created some healthy snack baskets.  we added fresh fruit, nuts, dried berries, healthy granola bars, teas, etc. so that we are surrounded by yummy healthy things when we want a snack.  its seriously great.  we also have access to a great cafeteria if i forget my lunch.  basically there is really no excuse to turn into a cookie monster at 3pm.  my cravings and feelings of exhaustion have also gone away.  i am happy to announce that i have been off my anxiety meds for 5 solid days.  i went through a weaning off phase and feel great.  i cant believe how stressed and buried i was.  i finally feel "normal" again.  im really looking forward to my journey ahead.  more to come...

ps (i am typing this on my tablet, so pardon the puncutations and misspellings)

Holy moly.  It has been a very. long. time!  I've decided that I am ready to ressurect this blog.  I am currently going through what some might categorize as a major life change as I am changing jobs.  Last week was week number 1.  It was great.  This is a much needed transition for my sanity and life balance.  It has been refreshing.  Along with all of the changes has come mental clarity, full nights of sleep, no headaches, waking up feeling energized, no teeth grinding at night, etc.  Sound like I feel less stressed?  Well, that is because I am.  Hallelujah.

Although the week started out as a sort of emotional one (found myself feeling guilty and sad that I had "left" a team that I cared so much about) I quickly settled into my new position and realized how much better this will be for me in the long run.  Plus relationships can be maintained!
 
I'm not going to spend this whole post typing out what has happened since I was last on here... those updates will come in upcoming posts as I start to post again.  The one major thing is that the hubs and I have been trying to start a family - not going to go into details just yet but we have been unsuccessful.  With this job transition we have decided to wait a few months and plan a sunny get away first.  I NEED to get back into shape.  I feel like a little dumpling piglet hefer roly poly rhino waddling around.
I have started working out again this week, actually easing myself into it.  Can you believe that... me "easing myself" into anything?!?!  I have a trip planned to workout at the Y today and am feeling good about things.  However, I am planning a TABATA training... which might leave my body severely sore by morning.  I'm hoping I will still be able to waddle into work in the morn.  As a side note, I am also weaning myself off of anti-anxiety meds that I have been on for the past 4 months or so.  I think having to go on meds for anxiety was a major sign that I needed to make some sort of change and thus am on that journey now.
 
So.... there you have it ~ updates on training, food and other coming soon...