What a weird title for a post that came out of no where.  Yes, I know... I've been gone for a long while.  BUT - I am back now, at least temporarily.  I am coming back to my blog because it sort of represents a place where an interesting journey began for me.  One where I documented a mental break through in physical achievement I had not experienced yet.  And although this was years ago, I find that it is just the reminder and motivation I need to begin documenting my journey yet again.

So, a lot has happened over a couple of years.  I won't bore this post with the details but I'd say the notable change worth mentioning is that I had a baby.  Yep, a baby. One of those miniature versions of yourself that sends you to the brink of exhaustion like you've never experienced.  Granted, this was a welcome addition (actually a begged for addition) and we are loving life with our new little girl, Harper (who is snuggled into my chest as I type this).  At just over two months I am finally feeling as if I have emerged from the fog of the newborn black hole that you can not even begin to understand until you've experienced it.  SO.MUCH.RESPECT.FOR.MOTHERS.  Holy moly is raising a baby a test of your willpower, patience, etc.  I now understand what all new mothers mean when they say "it's a lot of work".  I also know what they mean when they say "but its totally worth it and it's the best thing in the world to be a mom".

You may be reading this and wondering why I have arrived back on this blog and what I will be writing about now.  Well, I need an outlet.  I've been off work for two months and have another two to go.  I want to capture my thoughts and journey somewhere.  Naturally, this is a good place for me.  In addition, I am venturing on a new wellbeing journey and think it is exciting to continue my story from the same place I began to document it.  I am not sure if anyone will read this and that's ok.  I realize that most likely no one cares about my trials and tribulations like I do but I need this for me.  I'd like to document my new journey as a mother but also my new journey adjusting to my new body and regaining some of what was lost through pregnancy (actually, I shouldn't try and fool you... much of it was lost long before pregnancy, for a plethora of reasons... of which will most likely become intertwined in future posts).

For this first official post I'd like to declare that my baby put me on a diet.  What the heck does that even mean you ask?  Well, aside from the obvious that most all new moms feel (the need to loose the baby weight) I've found that breastfeeding a baby can result in mom going on a diet herself.  At least, I would assume this to be true of any mother who wants the best for her baby after finding out the baby's comfort could be improved through nutritional shifts by the mother.  I've learned that Harper is sensitive to some foods I eat, most notably dairy.  So, for starters... this boob buffet is going dairy free.  Honestly, she's doing both of us a favor by forcing this on us.  Mom needs to learn to cut down on the cheese and yogurt, etc.  She's also forced mom to pay much closer attention to the quality of foods consumed.  These behaviors presumably will lead to improved health and the sibling of improved health, better physique.  That's my round about way of declaring that I need to loose weight.  My nutritional habits will be part of this journey, first starting with removal of dairy, unnecessary sugars and increasing the amount of healthy protein and vegetables consumed.  Let me be clear here though... removing sugars from my diet will leave me sucking my thumb curled up in a ball crying on the floor in the corner.  I love me some sweet treats, and yet I know and understand that sugar is my enemy.  This is true for a number of reasons but one of the biggest is because I was diagnosed with PCOS a little over a year ago (more on that later).

Secondary to food, I'd like to declare that I am re-instating physical activity.  Partly, for the benefits of weight loss (a girl don't need to deny this being a big motivation) but also because it feels good to move my body again - well sorta.  Right now it feels a bit more like a hippo trudging through concrete but I know it will feel better again soon.  I also need to regain a regular physical activity schedule as a stress outlet.  If there is one thing I know intimately about myself it is that I am a much happier/productive/loving person if I am working out regularly.  This will be critical as I prepare to go back to work, which can be very high stress most days (don't get me wrong, I am blessed to have made an amazing career shift in the past couple of years but along that way I've lost a bit of myself and my regular schedule of working out).  Can I also mention that working out is something I recognize will help me be a better mother?  I recognize that my health and happiness are more critical now more than ever for the future of my daughter.  Amazing, how that transformation can take place in your mind nearly overnight.  So, don't be hatin' on my assuming this is some New Years resolution.  Timing may be suspect but this is more of a New Life resolution, for my new life as a mother and to accommodate the things I have learned to be true of my needs so that I can ensure that I am a great mother for years to come.

So, where does this leave me now?  You want details of what I am going to do about this?  I decided to take "before" photos... if I muster up the courage I will post them but not just yet.  In addition, I have weighed myself and taken circumference measurements.   Documenting all of this is critical for me to find ways to capture success.  I have slowly been modifying my diet over the past few weeks and will continue to do that in the coming weeks.  Much will be discussed related to dietary habits/recipes, etc.  I am also going to be completing the new Insanity Max 30 workout program, which is 60 days long.  Perfect timing to be just wrapping up when I return to work.  That hell inflicted journey starts Monday.  I've already tried a few of the workout DVDs and have done a few other workouts with my friend Emily (yep, the same gal I spoke of years ago).  She's a rockstar friend, true support system and amazing motivation (she herself has battled PCOS and looks and feels better than ever after two kids).  The initiation into working out has been good - for once in my life I've been easing my way into something.  Totally not my style, however, I know I need to be careful and want to ensure sustainability.  These workouts are the one thing I feel I can do completely for myself and I don't want to jeoporadize that joy.  Don't get me wrong though, even the "easing into" I've done has left me sore.  In fact, I sit here typing this with a tore up booty from a class that I took from Emily earlier this morning.  My whole body has been sore for a little over a week and I know that ain't going away considering I'm doing the entire DVD completely modified - thus, I've got lots of capacity to continue adapting to.    

So there you have it... the rest of the details will be forthcoming in future posts and historical details will be intertwined in those posts as well.  I don't want to bore you with all that here and now and besides my carpel tunnel is flaring up and I don't feel like typing much more at this point.  Signing off... until next time.