You are probably wondering what the hell happened to me... well let's just sum it up by saying that work went to "hell in a handbasket". Geez! I have had a seriously stressful last couple of weeks with work. So stressful that on a daily basis our HR director approaches me to check on me. He says he is seriously concerned that I might have a heart attack (in the back of my mind I wonder too... seriously). What's all very interesting about this is that I have really had to put things into a different perspective. I mean, how do you train for a figure competition and still work 70-80 hours per week?!?! Well, it certainly isn't easy or for the 'weak'. Everyday I have gotten up over that last few weeks I have had to look myself in the mirror and say out loud... you can get through this - this is temporary (and I'm not even talking about the fitness deal!). To be brutally honest I am exhausted, completely exhausted. I haven't had a weekend off from work in over a month and I am averaging 5-6 hours of sleep a night. This is obviously not enough while I am training. This weekend is the first complete weekend I will have off and I CAN NOT WAIT!

On a side note I have realized that perhaps this is all just a test of my faith... and in a few weeks I will have a greater appreciation for working only 45 hours a week, and I will appreciate doing only one job... and then eventually (after the figure show) I will appreciate how good fruit and dairy taste! How demented of a process is this?!?! I mean seriously, I have cut out two, nearly three (if you count carbohydrates) of the food groups! The food guide pyramid is supported by all respected nutritional groups in the country and beyond. Fruit and dairy are considered healthy and a necessity in ones diet and yet I can't have either?!?!? This is probably one of the first times along this journey that I have recognized how irrational and unhealthy this process truly is. Here's the other thing that has stood out very clear - it is all a GAME. This is not a 'lifestyle choice', it is something that is like chasing the dream, not something one can withstand long term or maintain. Clearly as you are reading it is coming through loud and clear that this may not be something I will continue to do in my life. I have the utmost respect and appreciation for the process and the self-awareness and discipline it creates but really can not justify in my mind a legitimate reason to do it again. Of course, don't worry... I am committed to finishing it out - because I never quit anything I have committed to. I am learning a ton about myself and of course love the results I am getting. I also however, recognize that I can maintain the body I have now without the torture and limitation of food groups and calories. It's kinda like climbing Mount Everest, you can push yourself to do it once (maybe twice) but no one should be living up there...

And, with that - the journey continues. You better know that even though I don't agree with the philosophy or want to do this again, I will make this a damn good journey and leave it all on the stage... competitors beware.